Why Do I Work for Men and Divorcing Dads?

When I began my practice, I noticed there really are not many divorce coaches for men, and they need support!

I’m often asked the question “why men?” So, I thought I would take a moment to explain my why! Early on in my career as a Divorce Coach, I coached both men and women. It was during this time I had noticed a pattern; men were facing an uphill battle trying to secure equal, shared parenting time with their children and would often feel as though their only option was to concede to less parenting time than their ex-spouse.

Not only was this alarming, it did not align with my values, so I felt the need to encourage men not to surrender to the chaos and to reclaim their strength and confidence along the way.

Emotional Stages of Divorce

Men going through a divorce will experience a range of emotions.

As your coach, we will work on many of the emotional stages men struggle with brought on by divorce, such as:

‘Shock & Denial’ Stage: 

This stage can combine several emotions. But typically, it is shock and denial. Some studies show that this can be common among men who did not foresee a divorce. If you’re a man going through this stage, you may feel numb and don’t believe what has happened. You’re denying the situation and thinking about how you may produce a different outcome. You’re avoiding the pain by not accepting the breakup.

‘Masking The Pain’ Stage: 

This is the stage where the pain sets in. However, most often, men try not to show it. They take an “I’m totally fine” stance, but their behavior may indicate the opposite. Health can be adversely affected, and it opens the door to possible substance abuse. For example, drinking more than usual to escape the pain and cope. Some ex-husbands turn to binge drinking, endless parties, and even promiscuous sex. Others give in to loneliness, sadness, apathy, and depression. These scenarios are destructive to a person’s mental and physical health and don’t solve the problem, and they could harm their position in their divorce case.

‘Anger & Grief’ Stage:

This is the most "societally acceptable" and expected emotion for a man. Men losing their families often feel out of control. Some men are angry with themselves (for not keeping the family together, not recognizing the signs of an impending divorce or infidelity, or not being an ideal partner for an ex-spouse). Others may be angry with their wives, accusing them of being the cause of their divorce.

‘I don't need help & I'm fine’ Stage: 

Men are less likely to ask for help and lean heavily towards the belief that they should be able to deal with their problems and solve them themselves. The good news is this has changed over the years. Men are becoming more open and allowing themselves to feel vulnerable.

‘It's time to do "the work,"
but I'm not interested’ Stage: 

In the post-divorce phase, there is a turning point in which you either recover or not. Coping with your emotions and working on the parts you played in your previous relationship with the help of an unbiased resource will help you to begin moving forward successfully. However, it’s when an individual chooses a strategy of doing nothing, unwilling to admit the need for full divorce recovery, that will keep him stuck in the pit of negative emotions.

I got your back

Men sometimes don’t have the luxury of resources women do. They can be painted as the “villain” or “aggressor” in divorce stories and custody cases. They are often not awarded spousal maintenance (alimony) even when eligible and they do not always receive 50% shared parenting time.

If you’re a man about to go through a divorce, know this: You are about to go through a highly emotionally charged process! I’m sure you’ve heard stories from friends or relatives about how they were “taken to the cleaners” and walked away with less time with their children than their ex. This is not always the case.

Let me guide you through it. Book a free discovery session, today.