Divorce and The Holidays
The holidays can be challenging after a divorce, but there are some tips and strategies that can help:
- Set expectations: Set realistic expectations for the holidays:
The holidays were once a merry occasion for family and togetherness. Or perhaps they were a time of stress and obligations — a load you shared with your partner. Either way, the activities and holiday gatherings you once experienced as a couple now seem daunting. They can also be confusing. Who gets to go to which gathering? Who gets to make sugar cookies with the children? How will I survive the family party now that my spouse and I have parted ways? Do I still owe the ex-in-laws gifts and holiday cards? The list goes on.
If the emotional scars are fresh, recovering at this time of year can be especially challenging. Some are not allowed the luxury of mourning their divorce in their preferred way, as the holidays overwhelm us with friends and family, pies await baking, and gifts need wrapping. Despite how much you might want to, sitting out the holidays this year is not an ideal option.
Celebrating the holidays solo can bring great cheer if you let it. It only takes a positive outlook, careful planning, and realistic expectations. A helpful list of tips wouldn’t hurt either.
1. Set realistic expectations.
Divorce is a major life change. Your responsibilities have changed, your financial situation has changed, how you spend your free time has changed, etc. Before you do anything, factor these changes into your plans for the holiday season. This will help alleviate stress and eliminate surprises.
2. Reach out to family and friends.
It’s okay to ask for help or talk things though. Your loved ones are probably as busy as you are, so do not hesitate to reach out if you need a little extra help getting through the holidays. Don’t wait for someone to read your mind or appear at your door with a festive casserole. Also, everyone deals with divorce in his/her own way. If you leave people guessing, they might not get it right. The point is to communicate to get whatever support, comfort, or feedback you need. It will give you the closeness and togetherness to which you have grown accustomed this time of year.
3. Don’t spend the holidays alone.
Hibernating is not an option, particularly if you have children (and even if your ex has them for the holidays). Hiding away as the days pass you by is simply punishing yourself. Alone-time can be very therapeutic, but it does the mind good to make an effort to go out and spend some time with others. Try not to spend too much time alone with your thoughts, and do not avoid family and friends. Fill the holiday months with loved ones to avoid reflecting on your broken marriage and what could have been.
You want your first post-divorce holiday to consist of fun and celebration surrounded by loved ones to give you a taste of years to come. Opening up just a little bit to your newly single life can give you a new perspective.
I wish you much healing and a beautiful holiday season- reach out to me for support 818-584-5565
Tessa James